


Please Just Take These Photos From My Hands

by NnoitraSzayel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 02:16:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2174250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NnoitraSzayel/pseuds/NnoitraSzayel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Breath catching in his throat, Remus quickly shut the door and put the lock firmly in place. Tentatively walking across the room he asked hesitantly, "Sirius…?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Just Take These Photos From My Hands

**Author's Note:**

> first published November 6, 2010

It was late, and the candlelight flickered off the walls casting long shadows of boxes and furniture against beige paint. Alone in the room, surrounded by memories, was a man named Remus Lupin. He didn’t know why he was doing this to himself… looking through all the pictures… it was sickening to see them and know that he was the only one left. James was dead. Peter was dead. Sirius… his heart clenched… had been in Azkaban for killing Peter and turning James and Lily over to Voldemort. It pained him to think it, it killed him to say it, and he wanted to die knowing it was true. He had given Sirius _everything;_ his friendship, his trust, his love… just _everything…_ and he couldn’t believe he had been so stupid to fall for it! He was a Black! And yet, Remus had ignored the stereotypes surrounding the name and was close-as anyone could’ve possibly been!-only to have it all thrown back in his face. Just like that. He had said goodbye before heading out to work that morning, the morning after they had found out that Lily and James had been killed. The next thing Remus knew, Sirius had been arrested for the brutal murder of Peter Pettigrew and twelve Muggles in London. It was sickening.

Setting aside the bow from sixth year, he pulled the box from seventh year next to him and gazed into it wondering where to start. The text books annotated to practically rewriting them? The folded notes they had all passed back and forth in class? The essays he had written late into the night? The countless pictures James had insisted on taking? Did he dare pick up the book that Sirius himself had written, documenting their history up to his seventeenth birthday? It was tempting to just close the lid and keep running from his past, but tomorrow he would be returning to Hogwarts to teach, and no matter how painful, he had vowed to go through all seven boxes from his school years.

With slightly shaking hands, he pulled out the red velvet-covered with gold embossed letters out and stared at his initials entwined with Sirius’s. He really didn’t know why he was doing this, but he soon opened the book to the first page and began reading…

_Happy birthday Remus! I’ve been working on this for ages, as I know how you love to read. So, I’m giving you this book and the promise of a nice shagging later, which is always good, yeah? Alright, alright, enough with the boring stuff; I’ll let you get on with reading now. Love, Sirius._

His thin pale fingers traced the ink longingly, a part of his wanted to go back to t he day Sirius gave the book to him and stay there forever in blissful ignorance of Sirius’s true nature. With a shaky breath, he turned the page and continued.

_I dunno when I realized I loved you. It might’ve been second year when you told us you were a werewolf, but when I look back on that it seems more like a brotherly/protective love. Over the years, I became jealous of you giving your full attention to anyone instead of me. That was around when the dreams started--in fourth year. I felt so guilty… thinking about you that way. That was when I stopped talking to you… and started snogging all those girls. But no matter how many times I touched them, or let them touch me, I couldn’t get you out of my head. And then I walked into the Potions room to find Snape kissing you… I just lost it. That day, you had every right to be mad. You said it perfectly, if I remember correctly it was “You haven’t spoken to me in month and now you’re going to hex Snape over a kiss?” That was when I really realized what a git I’d been… I saw how much I’d hurt you by leaving you like I did. So, I decided to make it up to you, as you very well know… it was difficult, yeah, but I managed to win you back. I was honestly surprised that you returned my feelings. I remember the first time we sat in our dorm and snogged… I kept pressing closer and closer… and the we ended up on top of each other, lying on the bed… I half expected you to stop me, and although we didn’t take it very far, I knew that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life._

Remus quickly shut the book and put it down with shaking hands and brushed away the tears that had began to fall down his cheeks. Why had he even picked up the bloody book? It was only filled with lies and false sentiments.

Taking a deep breath the werewolf glanced at the clock and found it to be three in the morning. Glancing into the seventh year box one last time, he shut the lid, pulled out his wand and shrank it to fit in his trunk.

After it had been carefully stored, he cleaned up the rest of the boxes and blew out all the candles one by one. It was time for bed, so he could get up in time to catch the train to Hogwarts tomorrow… or what was now today…

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus Lupin sat in his flat again… less than a year had gone by since he had boarded the train to go teach at Hogwarts. It had only been a week since that day in the Shrieking Shack. Everyday after he found out the truth, that Sirius hadn’t killed Peter--that Peter was very much alive and had been the one who actually gave James and Lily over to Voldemort--he was quite anxious to get the _Prophet_ to make sure that he hadn’t been found.

Currently, Remus was sprawled out on the couch reading what appeared to be an old Potions book but was actually quite a bit of parchment filled with rather dirty notes that Sirius had written and bound together with the cover of an old Potions book. He was just getting to the part about boiled mushrooms when there was a soft scratching at the door. The werewolf glanced up, under the impression that he was hearing things until he heard it again accompanied by a high pitched whine.

Setting the book aside, he got up to open the door only to have a thin, shaggy black dog dart between his legs and take up residence on his couch, head between two front paws, a pitiful expression on it’s face. Breath catching in his throat, Remus quickly shut the door and put the lock firmly in place. Tentatively walking across the room he asked hesitantly, “Sirius…?”

The dog looked around swiftly before shifting back into human form. His hair was shorter, and he’d shaved, but Sirius was just as thin and pale as he had been last week. “Yeah, Remus… s’me. M’sorry… I probably should’ve come sooner…”

The werewolf’s heart clenched. “No, that’s alright… I wouldn’t want you in Azkaban…”

“I still could’ve come over, or sent you a letter at the very least…”

Remus tentatively approached his former lover. “Its fine, Siri.”

“Blimey….” He murmured, more to himself than to Remus. “No one’s called me that in years…” Sirius ran a hand through his hair and bit his bottom lip. He stood quickly, now addressing Remus directly. “No, it’s really not. I… I was gone… for _twelve years…_ ” his voice faltered then and Remus quickly stepped forward to pull him into an embrace.

“But you’re here now.”

“I broke my promise… I said I’d never leave, and then I went and got arrested!”

“You were just trying to avenge Lily and James… I can understand that…”

“You shouldn’t have to understand it, Remus, because I should’ve been here with _you_ and not out looking to shred my soul.”

The werewolf buried his face into Sirius’s neck, trying desperately to rememorize his scent, lest he have to leave soon. “Its fine, Sirius. He was your brother. You need to stop being so hard on yourself.”

Finally, still tentative arms wrapped around Remus. “I missed you… so bloody much…”

A soft sigh escaped the pale lips. “I missed you, too, Siri, I missed you, too.”


End file.
